Adult conversations surrounding questions about everyday life and how we feel.
Topics are from a wide scope of topics that adults have opinions on or perhaps experienced.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Moving On
Some of us have unfortunately loss a mate to death. So as a widow/widower, how soon is to soon to get married again?
Well since I haven't experienced it for myself I would just say once you feel you can move on without comparing or trying to replace the person that passed away. I think it would be a big mistake trying to find someone to fit in the person who passed away shoes. The memories of the old love could damage the future of the new one, if you’re moving to fast.
I haven't experienced it myself, either. I think as soon as a person feels they are ready. I don't think anyone can decide that for us. Some people need a mate and remarrying soon would be something they needed to be whole as a person, and not a reflection of how much they did or didn't love their lost spouse. Some of us love only one person in our lives and can never manage to be with another. And then there are those in between those two extremes. So, I think as soon as you feel ready and know it's right for you, go for it. Don't worry about what anyone else says. (This is assuming there are no minor children involved. If there are minor children, you'd have to take their emotional well being into consideration.)
There is no right or wrong answer only what is socially acceptable. As a person going through a divorce people have tried to tell me when I should start dating again. Really only I and the person I decide to date can make that decision for me. I find that older men especially jump into another relationship quickly after a wife dies. They also tend to get remarried quicker. Don't know why; just an observation.
LaTashae, I think even if they loved their lost wife more than anything in the world, they still go into panic mode of they don't have someone to take care of them, someone to listen to what's in their hearts.
I know Liz. I think that is true as well. Men talk a really good game in their 20s and 30s about not wanting to settle down. But when the rubber meets the road from the 40s on up they are LOST without a woman esp. if the woman was their wife. Have seen it personally. I know a man who is a widowed and he started dating within 3 to 6 months after. I KNOW without a doubt he loved his wife. My heart breaks for him because he had to feel vulnerable when she died. Therefore, I am almost happy that he has someone to be there for him.
Having not experience this, I can only say that we are all human and we all handle many things differently, I don't think that you can put a time limit on moving forward if you loose a spouse. I think that it solely depends on the healing process and what you are willing and able to let transpire within your heart.
Hey thanks guys I believe we got a great test run the past couple of days...we will go wide open on Monday...this blog will be a little more...edgy than FB...I will also do one there each morning as well!
This is GREAT Kev, everything that you're trying to do will go a long way. No matter what we do in trying to make a difference, one thing is definitely clear ....."We can't save everybody but we sure as hell can coach"
@ the question-as soon as I begin to feel lonely again & not just alone. I'd need/want alone time to let go of my mate emotionally & mentally; however long it would take. I'd never let go spiritually, but would have to believe that I had their blessing to move on if I started to feel lonely. @ the blog-yes, this is great; refreshing!
Wow...I am not sure on this myself. I can't imagine the pain first of all but I guess whenever you can feel again.
ReplyDeleteWell since I haven't experienced it for myself I would just say once you feel you can move on without comparing or trying to replace the person that passed away. I think it would be a big mistake trying to find someone to fit in the person who passed away shoes. The memories of the old love could damage the future of the new one, if you’re moving to fast.
ReplyDeleteI haven't experienced it myself, either. I think as soon as a person feels they are ready. I don't think anyone can decide that for us. Some people need a mate and remarrying soon would be something they needed to be whole as a person, and not a reflection of how much they did or didn't love their lost spouse. Some of us love only one person in our lives and can never manage to be with another. And then there are those in between those two extremes. So, I think as soon as you feel ready and know it's right for you, go for it. Don't worry about what anyone else says. (This is assuming there are no minor children involved. If there are minor children, you'd have to take their emotional well being into consideration.)
ReplyDeleteThere is no right or wrong answer only what is socially acceptable. As a person going through a divorce people have tried to tell me when I should start dating again. Really only I and the person I decide to date can make that decision for me. I find that older men especially jump into another relationship quickly after a wife dies. They also tend to get remarried quicker. Don't know why; just an observation.
ReplyDeleteLaTashae, I think even if they loved their lost wife more than anything in the world, they still go into panic mode of they don't have someone to take care of them, someone to listen to what's in their hearts.
ReplyDeleteI know Liz. I think that is true as well. Men talk a really good game in their 20s and 30s about not wanting to settle down. But when the rubber meets the road from the 40s on up they are LOST without a woman esp. if the woman was their wife. Have seen it personally. I know a man who is a widowed and he started dating within 3 to 6 months after. I KNOW without a doubt he loved his wife. My heart breaks for him because he had to feel vulnerable when she died. Therefore, I am almost happy that he has someone to be there for him.
ReplyDeleteHaving not experience this, I can only say that we are all human and we all handle many things differently, I don't think that you can put a time limit on moving forward if you loose a spouse. I think that it solely depends on the healing process and what you are willing and able to let transpire within your heart.
ReplyDeleteHey thanks guys I believe we got a great test run the past couple of days...we will go wide open on Monday...this blog will be a little more...edgy than FB...I will also do one there each morning as well!
ReplyDeleteThis is GREAT Kev, everything that you're trying to do will go a long way. No matter what we do in trying to make a difference, one thing is definitely clear ....."We can't save everybody but we sure as hell can coach"
ReplyDelete@ the question-as soon as I begin to feel lonely again & not just alone. I'd need/want alone time to let go of my mate emotionally & mentally; however long it would take. I'd never let go spiritually, but would have to believe that I had their blessing to move on if I started to feel lonely. @ the blog-yes, this is great; refreshing!
ReplyDelete